[Reader-list] kashmir story, but true

[Sanjay Kak]

Dear Inder

I found your post quite disturbing, and even distasteful, and not because I
am a prude.
You say at the end: "Now the question is do we suggest Nazir to meet a
psychoanalyst?"
If Nazir does exist, a poor Kashmiri, a former militant, I doubt whether he
has access to the services of a psychoanalyst. But I think it is as
important for the likes of us—and you included, Inder—who could fruitfully
use the tools of psychoanalysis to interrogate our own projections.

As far as I am concerned, whether Nazir exists, or Anil exists, or the story
is "true", is immaterial.
What matters is your telling of it: you are the author of this particular
text for me.
In particular I draw your attention to the following paragraph:
"Nazir’s offer to Anil comes  because of two reasons. One, that Nazir had
actually experienced group sex during his activist days, and does not see it
as sin, and secondly he saw a meaning in the Anil’s presence in his home,
which he knew not how to express, because he is poor and can not offer him a
gift.  Is KP still a purer breed in Kashmir,  I am wondering?"

Since you are "wondering" Inder, could you care to explain why the thought
crossed your mind, the surprising idea that the Kashmiri Pandit is "still a
purer breed in Kashmir"? Purer than what? And how?
And the insight that Nazir had actually experienced what you call "group
sex" in his activist days, and did not see it as sin... this is clearly your
insight, or am I reading your narrative incorrectly?

I dont wish to over-read your narrative, but as someone who has spent a
great deal of time—even on this list—arguing for complex, layered readings
of the simplest things, you of all people, Inder, should be the last person
to author a clunky, crude, and often puerile narrative.
I look forward to a more nuanced unpacking of your tale.

Warmly

Sanjay Kak

On Sun, Oct 11, 2009 at 2:57 PM, Inder Salim <indersalim at gmail.com> wrote:

> Even if I was a writer, I will find it difficult to write.  But here
> it is, in simple words, with very little of what might have actually
> happened that night. This is just one case, so nothing to generalize,
> and there is a lot to imagine:
>
> To begin with, Kashmir has two distinct identities, One Muslim and
> other Hindu identity. Proportion wise there is no contrast, but if we
> see it in historical  perspective, then  the hindu identity looks as
> much visible as Muslim .
>
> It is here that both the communities have a bond, a strange one that
> the cruel times of 1990 could not erase from  their collective memory.
>
> We all know Kashmiri Pandits migrated from the valley to Jammu and
> other parts of India when Kashmiri uprising actually thought of
> erasing all those traces in Kashmir which are associated with India.
> Kashmiri Pandit was one such visible face of that long list of Indian
> articles. So, KP’s had to move out leaving  behind home and hearth,
> friends and fields, and I largely blame Indian Kashmir policy for
> that.  Hate between these two communities hit the lowest during that
> time, but times, as we know have different things in store, and we see
> lot of hugs and warm exchanges between the two communities.  Muslims
> help KPs as and when they visit valley, and Hindus too support their
> children outside Kashmir. The bond is really deeper than what
> politically remains elusive.
>
> But, when Mr. Anil ( named changed ) a KP visited his village he was
> surprised by  something more than  a warm hug. Mr. Anil is a 1990
> graduate but could not find a job in Jammu and is still unemployed and
> a bachelor. His family’s ancestral land is quite in shambles, and he
> is thinking to dispose that property to live decently in Jammu. That
> is that.
>
> On entering his village he met his class mates and other friends who
> are now married and living independently. During his month long stay
> in his village he spent nights at homes of  different friends.
>
> It happened one night, during his stay when he was surprised by a mid
> night whisper. It was his friend, Nazir ( name changed), who  was
> offering him to have sex with his wife.  Mr. Anil, said no, no, but
> Nazir insisted and wanted sincerely to gift something meaningful to
> his friend, something different, so the idea of offering him his wife
> was born.  Anil accepted the offer after he initially hesitated, which
> followed by a repeat next day even.  One woman between two friends:
> one hindu and other muslim. In simple words it was a group sex, but
> Anil is now guilty and feels that it was too animal like, as Nazir’s
> wife was not a willing partner in all of that.
>
> Nazir is an ex-militant, which Anil knew  since 1990. Anil and Nazir
> have an inbuilt trust between them and that easily translated into
> Anil’s willingness to stay at his home for couple of nights, and even
> accept the most dangerous offer.  This  Kashmiri woman’s  role easily
> falls into the popular feminist discourse, and questions the very
> nature of male oriented agendas around our political spectrum.
>
> Nazir’s offer to Anil comes  because of two reasons. One, that Nazir
> had actually experienced group sex during his activist days, and does
> not see it as sin, and secondly he saw a meaning in the Anil’s
> presence in his home, which he knew not how to express, because he is
> poor and can not offer him a gift.  Is KP still a purer breed in
> Kashmir,  I am wondering?
>
> And, as we know, woman  suffered terribly in Kashmir. First it was
> Nazir and his friends who were given hero’s welcome wherever they went
> with arms, and were obviously not stopped for their sexual excitement
> during nights at different hide outs in different homes. And the
> victim: as usual a woman.
>
> But what happened at Nazir’s home has different layering besides what
> happens during group sex etc. Anil and Nazir are perhaps restoring
> this bond at the cost of a dignity of a woman, which Nazir could not
> see that evening, and Anil is seeing it now. I am sure, Nazir too must
> be feeling  guilty somewhere in his heart, Anil told me.
>
> Now the question is do we suggest Nazir to meet a psychoanalyst? Is he
> sick, or is he too a victim of circumstances. Or he is simply a male,
> who does not know how to measure the dignity of a woman.  Or is Anil
> to blame for what he agreed to do with a helpless woman in the
> presence of her husband.
>
> Comments please
>
> With love and regards
> Inder salim
>
>
>
>
>
> --
>
> http://indersalim.livejournal.com
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